i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
