That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize