im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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