that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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