I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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