so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
