Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
