She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
