People with herpes should wear stickers.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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