I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
