I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
