just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize