Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
