There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
