I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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