Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
