Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
