Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
