I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
