Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
