i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Randomize
