I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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