JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
