this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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