and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
