So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
