i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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