btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Someone came in the potted fern
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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