If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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