its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Randomize
