dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
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