yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
