i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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