I hate all girls vehemently.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
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