it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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