Hey man sorry I got all grabby
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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