"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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