my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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