I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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