oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
