This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
