I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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