I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
