I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize