I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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