And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
