Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
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