So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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