i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
