last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize