so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
