It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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