sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
