Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
my god I love twenty year old dicks
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize