He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
