Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Michael Bay diarrhea
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Randomize
