You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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