Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
