Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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