so explain again why im purple
no
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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