Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Just puked most of my soul out..
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
