Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
