Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i wish my penis had a tongue
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
PANTIES FOUND
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