I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
