I think my fart just growled at me.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
