What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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