I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
