I'm gonna have a badass scar
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Randomize
