apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Randomize
