She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
