If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
