I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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