Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
