you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
