the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
