bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
