So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
