I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
