she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
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