We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
