Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
