I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
