I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
