At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
