I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
