I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
