mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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