Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
