Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
