the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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