it's too hot outside to masturbate.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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