hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Who died my cat blue again?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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