Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
