Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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