you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
