I got chris browned last night
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize