I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Non-Jews are for practice
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
