I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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