you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
